Sometimes I want it all to end
The gloves are off I’ve had enough
The dog’s my only friend…
But he’s no good ’cause he pisses on my head
Forever fear the moment that he raises his hind leg
And lets fly with that acrid smelling stench his bladder vents
One more unwanted shower and the dirty bugger’s dead
I know it may be hard for you to fully understand
What a garden gnome goes through
But then a raven sees my plight
A paralysed gnome as a ceramic throne is not a pretty sight
She ascends to a fearful altitude…
And lets one rip with a raucous crowing sound
Perfect trajectory the toxic mass locks in on the hound
Glistening in the sun a thing of beauty spinning round
Touches my heart – I cry tears of joy as it nails him to the ground
I know it may be hard for you to fully comprehend
What a garden gnome goes through
Now the story is complete
The playful mutt had sniffed his final butt
He’s chased his last Volvo up the street
He was no good ’cause he pissed on my head
Forever feared the moment when he raised his hind leg
And let fly with that acrid smelling stench his bladder vents
Too many showers and the puppy now is dead
I know it may be hard for you to fully understand
What a garden gnome goes through
Now it’s over and my life begins again
The sun is shining brightly and my odour’s on the mend
Peeling off accumulated grime has never been such fun
As when to greener pastures a dirty mongrel tends
words & music:
D. Allen-Williams 1998
(DADGBE)