A long, long time ago
Dave can still remember how that music used to make him smile
And he knew he’d get his chance to do another funky dance
But maybe he’d be arthritic in a while
McElvenny made me shiver with every sentence he’d deliver
Shane drunk on the doorstep, he couldn’t take one more step
He can’t remember if he tried to shake it twice and zip his fly
The curry touched him deep inside, the day the canary died
He was singin’…
Why, why, Karen doesn’t know why
There’s coffee in the sugar and the dishes ain’t dry
If you lot don’t clean up this filthy pig-sty
Maybe this’ll be the day that you’re fired
This’ll be the day you’re all fired…
Did John buy his System’s Lotto
And do you have faith in God above if the Powerball tells you so
Do you believe that go-karts roll
Can Lorinda make the damned thing stall
And can she teach me how to drive real slow
Well we know that Cup Day’s a time for sin
‘Cause we saw Ang sifting through the bin
Drinkin’ lots of booze, man she digs that bubbly in shoes
Geoff was hunky teenage muscly buck
With a studded collar he’d run amuck
But drugs had made him come unstuck the day his brains got fried
He started singin’…
Now for ten years it’s been on its own,
the single hair on Martin’s stone,
but that’s not how it used to be
When Richard dressed as a raving queen
in fatigues he borrowed from an aging marine
in his army days he was a sight to see
And while Martin was looking down,
Richard plucked his balding crown
The tech room was adjourned,
Allan and Ian were spurned
And while Ian gives CC red marks, Allan kicks the COBOL’s nuts
Martin chased Richard in the park the day the network died
We were singin’…
Helter skelter in a summer swelter
the birds flew off with Brendan’s belt,
trousers loose and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass, his girlfriend played for a blatant pass
with his boxers sideways at half mast
Now at lunchtime there was sweet perfume
but Cameron farted and it filled the room
We all got up to leave, so we could try to breathe
‘Cuz the coders tried to take the field
But the atmosphere refused to yield
Do you recall what was his meal the day the ozone died
We started singin’…
And there we were all in one place
a company of people all off their face
with no time left for sobering
So come on Jack be nimble, Jill be quick
Jill lost her mobile within a week
she never heard the damn thing ring
And as I smelt him fart again my hands were poised to waft away
No angel born in Hell could stand Paul Sheldon’s smell
And as Simon climbed high into the night
to clear the balcony before first light
I saw Colin laughing at the sight the day he nearly died
He was singin’…
I met a guy who never drank the booze
and I asked Mike for some orange juice
but he just smiled and turned away
Sousan went down to the sacred store
where she’d bought the alcohol for years before
The old man there said that she’d make a good lay
Out into the street Sousan screamed
Colin laughed and the old man beamed
But not a word was spoken, cause Colin was busy tokin’
And the three men that surf the waves
Colin, Simon, and shower cap Dave
they caught the last wave for the coast, the day the swelling died
And they were singing…
words: D. Allen-Williams & C. Gibbs 1998
music: D. McLean (EADGBE)