Fred Asparagus


There’s a man way out west
They call him Fred Asparagus
Pouring drinks, he’s the best
My bartender – Asparagus

He stares at me with those Mexican eyes
What will it be he asks with a tired old sigh
Give me a tequila with a slice of lemon and a pinch of salt,
And I will be right for the night

When I see a hairy chest
I’m reminded of Asparagus
You’ll see why if you’re his guest
His belt is large but not his vest

When a fight draws nigh
Asparagus knows how to handle it
When the fists all fly
You’ll find him under the bar

Closing time, hair all messed
Been a hard day for Asparagus
Doesn’t sleep or get some rest
Ladies man he likes the opposite sex

When a fight draws nigh
Asparagus knows how to handle it
When the glassware flies
You’ll find him face on the floor

Birds lay eggs in a nest
Doesn’t mean much to Asparagus
No more words rhyme with ‘est’
So this verse ends with a roll of fat

Come to Asparagus’ brasserie
You will find lots of drinks and wholesome tea
Come to Asparagus’ brasserie
It is a very good place

 
words & music:
D. Allen-Williams 1995
(EADGBE)

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